Ever notice that your behavior changes depending on whether you are around children or adults. With children, we take time to explain things. With adults, we have little patience or we rush people through their sentences. With children, we ask them their opinion. With adults, we are either uninterested or interrupt them when they speak.
But then we wonder why some of our relationships at work aren’t satisfying. We see the same people every day, yet communication is often difficult or strained. Or why, during conversations with recruiters at job fairs, or attendees at networking functions, or at job interviews, we are not getting our points across effectively. Many I speak to wonder why people don't 'get' them. They want to be understood, but often feel they are not getting through. They tell me they feel isolated and alone. And their career is suffering because of it.
Communication is not as hard as we believe it to be. My clients tell me they are afraid to speak up or be straightforward because it won’t end well. True communication is individuals listening to one another and exchanging ideas. Mix in acceptance and patience, and you have the recipe for a great conversation.
So, how can you communicate better in your career? I recommend this three-step process.
Acknowledge the flaws in your communication style.
This is your opportunity to be honest. Are you a person who wonders why no one listens to you, yet you rarely listen attentively to what others have to say? Do you wonder why people don’t get you, but you don’t get them either? Get interrupted a lot? Are you careful not to interrupt others? Do you resent being judged? Are you someone who judges?
You give what you get in your career. Usually, what we don't like in others is what we haven't discovered yet or admitted openly about ourselves. You can't alter your communication style without first understanding how you have been interacting with others. Then, you can decide to change your approach.
Prepare to be a better communicator.
Make a list of people you have trouble communicating with. Next to each name, write down what the problem is. Ask yourself how you contribute to the difficulty. Next, write down what you will do differently going forward. For example, next to John's name you could say "I will listen to him more." Or, "I won't interrupt him when he speaks." Usually when something is not working, we look outward. "What is someone doing to me, and why won't they change their behavior?" That's not how it works. Want to change the people around you? Change yourself first.
Start using better communication techniques.
This is when you get to try out a new behavior. Expect to feel uncomfortable at first. You haven't owned your new communication style yet, and you haven't created your new habit or routine. The hardest part is getting started; being a better communicator will get easier over time. Also, expect a few weird looks or surprised faces at first. The people you are communicating with may look at you strangely in the beginning because you are doing something different. Don't worry. Over time, they will get to know and like you. Your career will begin to get better because your relationships are getting better. And that's because of your hard work and effort.
So, what do you say? You only have one life to live - it might as well be a life you love!
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