Fathers have a way of unintentionally shaping their children’s careers. While we would like to think we provide profound insights by what we say, it is often more what we do that influences our children’s decisions.
My father, for example, lacked a high school education and bounced from career to career. As a result, I vowed to get a college degree in a fun profession that offered a solid career path. I thought that would be the key to job security, but it wasn’t.
As for my sons, I never gave them any vocational edicts, but my children nevertheless learned their own lessons from my career path. Let’s just say they didn’t go into journalism.
High-Profile Problem
I confess that my job as the publisher of a daily newspaper was a detriment on the home front. Most days my sons just could not escape the fact that their father ran the only daily newspaper in the community.
Not that they didn’t try to distance themselves from my influence. But their teachers wouldn’t let them forget, often badgering the boys about things in (or not in) the local newspaper.
Sometimes public harassment was worse. There were anonymous phone calls and other forms of persecution. At one point, my sons and I walked through downtown, pulling down fake posters inviting people to a fictional anarchist rally at our home. It’s the kind of career insight you can’t buy – and a type of father/son bonding I would have preferred to avoid.
Needless to say, I was not surprised when my sons ruled out journalism – or any high-profile job – as a career. Actually, it wasn’t so much a decision as a natural evolution. We don’t want to go through that again, do we?
My dad, for example, liked to take me on sales calls as a youngster. But instead of picking up on the thrill of the sale, I retained the pang of defeat. This wasn’t a bad experience. In truth, I learned a lot about human nature, and myself. When my father later tried to steer me into sales, he understood when I said no.
He could hardly have argued. After all, being the first-born son in heavily Catholic 1930s Wisconsin, my father had been expected to become a priest. In fact, granddad insisted and packed him off to divinity school. Proving he was born with the gift of gab, my father eventually talked his way out of the seminary. Unfortunately, granddad never forgave him.
So dad understood when I didn’t live up to his sales expectations. Years later, I tried to be understanding as well with my own kids.
Making a Difference
Despite their not following in my footsteps, I like to think I had some positive influence on my sons’ career decisions. You see, the joy of a high-profile position like publisher is you have a chance to make high-profile decisions that effect change. My sons saw me working to make the community a better place. And sometimes I did.
While none of my sons went into missionary work, they do make solid contributions of their own. One son works to make our lives easier by designing products. Another son is on the path to becoming a public-interest lawyer. My third son keeps the computers humming at a major corporation.
In addition to making a contribution, I like to think my sons learned other things from my career. For example:
Do some form of what you love. My father drilled this into me. "You better like what you do because you are going to be spending most of your life doing it." Teachers are a classic example. Many are would-be artists, writers or scientists. They choose teaching because it allows them to stay close to what they love. As for me, my sons never doubted my passion for the printed word. My father drilled this into me. "You better like what you do because you are going to be spending most of your life doing it." Teachers are a classic example. Many are would-be artists, writers or scientists. They choose teaching because it allows them to stay close to what they love. As for me, my sons never doubted my passion for the printed word.
You can’t change corporate culture. If you work for a thoughtless and harsh company, their policies will probably be thoughtless and harsh. My sons learned this through my experience. Better to expend more effort on finding a good company to work for, one that mirrors your values. Another point: Don’t waste your time working for people you dislike intensely. If you work for a thoughtless and harsh company, their policies will probably be thoughtless and harsh. My sons learned this through my experience. Better to expend more effort on finding a good company to work for, one that mirrors your values. Another point: Don’t waste your time working for people you dislike intensely.
Balance work and life. I was able to balance work and family, and I lost my job. Hence, my sons see excessive hours as the key to job security, which may or may not be true. Why not find a career that let’s you have a life?
Heed your instincts. If you feel it’s time to look for work because you current job is shaky, don’t hesitate. I did until it was too late. Believe me, it’s much easier to find a job when you already have a job – you have more confidence and your resume looks better.
Keep your resume updated. The only real security into today’s workplace is keeping your resume and your job-search skills honed. I failed to do so and it took some time to regain my form. A yearly updating of your resume can provide some peace of mind by reminding you of your qualifications to find work elsewhere.
No one can make career decisions for you. While counseling and research can help, you will find the truest answers to your career quest inside of yourself. If you are lucky, you will find work that to you isn’t really work at all.While counseling and research can help, you will find the truest answers to your career quest inside of yourself. If you are lucky, you will find work that to you isn’t really work at all.
Less responsibility isn’t bad. When I got my career back on track, I avoided the high-pressure job of publisher. I returned to my first loves, writing and editing, and I learned one of those lessons that fathers have trouble getting their children to believe: Sometimes a promotion isn’t worth the extra pay.
As my sons could attest.
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